By Fin on 1/24/2005, 7:40pm PT  

Guest blogged by Fin

I (like you, I'm sure) was thrilled and energized by the President's call to increase Freedom and Liberty across the globe. To that end, in today's L.A. Times comes an article that I'm sure will make our Dear Leader's heart leap. One in which a repressed group of people are finally being given the opportunity to cross over into the promised land of freedom. The money quote:

In the Islamic Republic of Iran... hundreds of people are having their gender changed legally, bolstered by the blessings of members of the ruling Shiite clergy.

Let's take a moment and think about this. How monumental that one of the original members of the Axis of Evil (back before it was trendy) has chosen to give liberty to a discriminated against group. (Now, for the sake of full disclosure, the excised text in the above quote did say "gay male sex still carries the death penalty and lesbians are lashed", but still this is a clear beacon of freedom for thousand of men and women yearning to be free of...well, being lashed and killed.)

What's that, you say, Mr. President? You didn't mean that kind of freedom? Oh, I see. I missed the fine print at the bottom of your speech. Funny, the list of unapproved freedoms listed is a lot longer than that other one. A few samples...

Freedom of Love? UNAPPROVED (if exercised call for hellfire and amend the Constitution)
Freedom of Speech? UNAPPROVED (if exercised, question patriotism and call traitors.)
Freedom of assembly? UNAPPROVED (if exercised, see Freedom of Speech above (plus lots of pepper spray and mass arrests. See RNC convention for further strategies.)
Freedom from torture? UNAPPROVED (if argued, claim the rules don't apply and quickly imprison in dark, dank hole for all eternity. If successfully subverted, promote subverter to Attorney General. If hypocrisy of saying we're better than them while acting like them is pointed out, pretend you don't speak English. For examples, see Daily White House Press Briefings.)
Freedom to Vote? UNAPPROVED (if attempted to exercise, rig machines, manipulate distribution, and intimidate voters. For examples, see Ohio, Florida, New Mexico, and Pennsylvania. If irregularities are brought to light, shovel scorn and spite on all who question. Under no circumstances amend constitution to guarantee right to vote.)

Your turn...