Freedom Fighting, Election Fraud Busting, Fearless Champion of Democracy Still Undefeated!
(Goldstein Rumored to Have Sex With Goats)
By Brad Friedman on 5/19/2005, 11:33am PT  

Before we point out what a classic phony "conservative" Aaron Goldstein --- of the site which (apparently without irony) calls itself --- actually is, we must point out still more apparent lack of irony from the site which gives Goldstein a reason to feel as if he is part of the human race.

Proudly tagged on each article page on the site, in the top-left hottest piece of real estate, is this humble self-description:

We are the only site on the web devoted exclusively to intellectual conservatism. We find the most intriguing information and bring it together on one page for you.

An example of that "intellectual conservatism" on one page, we suppose, would be this item and graphic currently on their front page:

Okay. So now you know what kind of site we're dealing with here, and have a small idea of the "intellectually conservative" geniuses who publish there.

With that in mind, one of those geniuses is Aaron Goldstein, who seems to have drawn the short neo-con straw this week and so must put in his sad, all-too-tired duty into the Defending the Indefensible on Behalf of The Powers-That-Be beat.

Goldstein has apparently been assigned (why else would he show up with such a small dull knife to such a big boy's gunfight?) to try and knock HBO/NBC's Jim Lampley down a few pegs. He fails. Miserably. But he doesn't fail to retread every lame, fake conservative line, apology, distraction, distortion, misdirection, justification and deflection in the Karl Rove playbook! Attaboy, Aaron! Fox News should be calling any day now!

In truth, Goldstein's sad little shot at Lampley --- he of the mighty Election 2004 as "the biggest crime in the history of the nation" statement last week --- likely deserves to be ignored. But it's so much fun laughing at these Democracy Hating Conspiracy Theorists like Goldstein that sometimes we just can't help ourselves...Even if we must stoop to their lowered level of discourse in order to do it...

We'll stick to just the silliest and/or tired-est of classic neo-con buffoonery employeed by Goldstein in his embarrassingly feeble attempt at discrediting Lampley, even though there's so much more fun that one could have with him.

First, his headline takes two classic shots from the Neo-Con 101 Handbook. Both of them miss by a mile. "Poor Sport: Jim Lampley and the State of American Liberalism" goes right for the classic dismissive neo-con name calling ("Poor Sport") and then the attempt to use the L-word ("Liberalism") right off the bat. First sign that a neo-con is bereft of both intellectualism and conservatism? The lazy use of the neo-con codeword, "Liberal" as pejorative, in lieu of an actual argument.

Well, mee-ow, Aaron! You shore told him!

Now onto the "substance" of Goldstein's ill-conceived screed...

Lampley claimed that the election was fraudulent because the odds makers in Las Vegas had favored John Kerry by a 2 to 1 margin.

No, Aaron. He didn't. He did, however, mention that the fact that Vegas oddsmakers --- who'd stand to lose millions on an ill-concieved betting line and thus deal in the best available information when setting their odds --- was one of the things that appropriately set off alarm bells for him on Election Day. He did not, however, claim that the Vegas oddsmakers were the reason for the fraudulent election as you assert.

That sort of misframing and grotesque twisting of the argument is typical of the state of Freedom-Hating American Neo-Conservatism these days however, so we're all well used to that sort of thing by now.

Goldstein then shoots yet another blank:

Enter Byron York. The White House correspondent for National Review replied to Lampley's post and reminded readers that the exit polling was unreliable because of the over sampling of women.

Funny, we thought the "exit polling was unreliable" because of the "reluctant Bush voter theory". Or was it the "placement of the pollsters" who were far enough away from the exits that George W. Bush voters simply couldn't find them, whereas Kerry voters overwhelmingly had no problem? Or wasn't it supposed to be the fact that the weather was bad that day? But only, apparently, above the heads of Bush voters where it was too rainy to answer pollsters while Kerry voters walked under nothing but sunshine in the same states, in the same counties and in the same precincts all day long.

It gets so terribly confusing remembering which unsubstantiated claim/excuse we're supposed to stick to, so we'll go with York, Goldstein and the over sampled women theory for now. Why not? One made up theory based in fantasy is as good as the next we suppose.

Back to Goldstein. See if you can following this one:

York responded by citing a report by pollster, Warren Mitofsky of Mitofsky International. The report indicated that exit polls overestimated support for John Kerry in 26 states and overestimated support for President Bush in four. Notwithstanding this overestimation it made no difference in the projected winner in any of the 50 states.

A) Will someone please inform Goldstein that Warren Mitofsky is not just some pollster who wrote a report, but rather the pollster responsible for the Exit Polling on Election Day? Both here and in Ukraine, by the way, where incorrect Exit Poll numbers meant fraud in that case, but apparently not here. And B) Please let him know that if his Exit Polls were so incredibly wrong (for reasons which nobody can actually explain, but that we're all supposed to simply accept) why would Goldstein be so inclined to trust Mitofsky's own report on Mitofsky's own polling (the answer to that likely lies in the fact that Goldstein didn't seem to realize who the hell Mitofsky was) and C) Simply saying that Exit Polls were "overestimated", when there is no evidence of same, does not make it so. Kinda like saying there are WMD in Iraq, or that they can fund their own reconstruction with oil revenue, or that Aaron Goldstein enjoys having hot wet barnyard sex with billygoats, does not make it so. (Though a report by blogger Brad Friedman of has indicated that Aaron Goldstein does indeed enjoy having hot wet barnyard sex with billygoats.)

Back to the barnyard...

With the exit poll argument essentially shot to hell,...

As Rush would say (you know him, dontcha, Aaron?): "Stop the tape!"

No, Aaron, "the exit poll argument" was not "essentially shot to hell". And merely saying that it was does not make it so, anymore than what blogger, Brad Friedman, said about you and how much you love hot wet barnyard sex with billygoats. Watch out for the nubby little horns, by the way! They're sharper than they look!

Goldstein attempts to get our goat again in the next graf:

So the biggest crime in the history of the United States was caused by voting machines and various other machinations rather than exit polls as Lampley first stated. Funny, Lampley did not mention the alleged role of voting machines until his third post.

Funny, Goldstein just out and out lied to you!

Didn't he previously tell us just three or four paragraphs earlier that "Lampley claimed that the election was fraudulent because the odds makers in Las Vegas had favored John Kerry by a 2 to 1 margin?" Now he's claiming that Lampley said exit polls "caused" the biggest crime in the history of the nation??? (Which he didn't!)

This guy can't keep his own bullshit straight in his own article!

Poor, Aaron. Mind the mighty kick of the hindlegs! They may be small, but those little billygoats know how to kick! But you probably know that by now.

Outmatched, Goldstein next attempts to soften up Lampley by giving his due to his excellent sportscasting creds, only to attempt to deliver a one-two sucker punch in the next paragraph. Unfortunately, it's Goldstein whose played for the sucker with this neo-con classic:

But Lampley may be overreaching when it comes to analyzing Presidential elections. His prose is something that one might find inside the pages of The Socialist Worker. Perhaps Lampley was struck by an errant blow from a pugilist he was trying to interview.

Youch! Goldstein attempts, in a single condescending swoop, to play the Commie Pinko Card and the Mentally Unbalanced Card all in the same breath! That's gotta smart! What, no "card-carrying ACLU member" tag thrown in for extra credit?

No worries, the big desperate "Liberal, Liberal, Liberal, Liberal, Liberal" Card finale is still to come. But first, one more desperate rabbit punch out of left field. That's right, the classic Neo-Con Misdirect! No, it's not the expected Bill Clinton Card, it's the Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez Card! Three --- count 'em three! - full paragraphs of horse-manure and smokescreen about the election in Venezuela, which Goldstein faults Lampley for not writing about, and which has absolutely nothing, zero, nada, to do with any of Lampley's posts on this matter whatsoever!

But boy can that Goldstein guy can type stuff! Words! Many of them! And all in a row!

And yes...the favored weapon of the Intellectually Deficient "Intellectual Conservative" are always best kept for last as Goldstein manages to squeeze at least eight --- count 'em, eight! --- uses of the word "Liberal" or "Liberalism" into his penultimate graf in one last, pathetic, nay most-desperate-of-all attempt to make his RushO'ReillyCouterHannity Bones.

Sorry, Aaron. There's a few hundred in line ahead of you already who know how to pull that one off with a bit more panache and bit less obviousness. They'll take care of the George W. Bush blowjob so you can rest easy. Unless you feel like fluffing Dennis Prager while you're waiting!

Come on back when you've got an original way to try and shame a fellow American who has put his reputation on the line because he gives a damn about the democracy you'd rather cover up with goat turds, lies, smears and innuendos.

America is done with haters like you, Goldstein. Those of your ilk who feel it necessary to destroy a person and/or their reputation when you are simply unable and/or unequipped to destroy their argument. You're a dinosaur, Aaron. Move on. Get over it. Your time has come and gone. You and your ilk have failed the country and the world with your disingenous elistist hate-mongering denial and politics of personal destruction.

We're sick of it. Sick of you. And sick of watching you people drag the rest of us down into the filthy sewer with you.

Go back to the barn. Billy is waiting. You can give it to him in precisely the same location where your illegitimate "President" has given it to America and all of the Freedom Loving Peoples of the World for the past four years.

Then again, we'd hate to lower the discourse.

Aaron Goldstein, Poet, Intellectual Neo-Conservative, Goat Fucker Editors

UPDATE: This just in via Email from Lampley:

Aaron goldstein is a punk. There is no such thing as "conservative intellectualism". There is no intellect in conservatism. You can quote me. lamps

Consider it done, Lamps.