...And thanks for nothing.
By Brad Friedman on 11/9/2004, 3:15pm PT  

Both Attorney-General John Ashcroft and Commerce Secretary Donald Evans were booted resigned just moments ago.

And they were so darn effective! What a shame that, like Fallujah (where at least 16 American troops have been killed in the last 48 hours), this terrible news just happened to break after the election! What luck!

UPDATE: In related news...in case you didn't notice...The "Orange" security alert in both D.C. and NYC was lowered back to "Yellow" for the first time the day after the election and today pedestrian traffic was once again re-opened on Pennsylvania Ave. in front of the White House. The timing for all of these events should continue to not be noticed in any way. Thank you.

UPDATE: Looks like Ashcroft submitted his resignation on Nov. 2. Election Day. But, always in the service of politicizing justice, he remarked in his resignation letter:

It would be my pleasure to structure the announcement of this resignation and the ensuing transition in conjunction with you so that your administration and the cause of justice are served optimally.

I have handwritten this letter so its confidentiality can be maintained until the appropriate arrangements mentioned above can be made.

But rest easy! He also informed the "President-Elect":

The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."

Phew! Thank you Mr. A-G!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for (hopefully) the last time...The Attorney General sings.